Pappa wants mamma naked
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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