I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
should my penis look like a turkey
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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