I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
