she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
