Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
