dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
as a side note pls kill me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
