He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
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Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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