so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize