And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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