I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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