i just wanna soil my oats bro
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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