Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize