I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
