exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
