Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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