I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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