Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
