How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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