If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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