Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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