i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
