Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
