you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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