he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
