is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
