so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
