i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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