I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
from now on my penis is your penis
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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