i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
