He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
