she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
