Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
