By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
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Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.