SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.