Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life