Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.