i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
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I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.