Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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