does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
