i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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