I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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