Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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