You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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