maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
