Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
