It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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