I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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