I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
