Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
