rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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