At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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