You're my little dorito
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
