My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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