u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
