do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
