I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
