You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
