how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
