I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
