M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
