sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
