yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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