Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you never un-have a 4some
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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