So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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