I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
