Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
