I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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