soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
