our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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