I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
