mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
