worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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