It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
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I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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