ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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